Awful

Finch lay in her loft, blankets pulled up to her chin to ward off the chill, staring at her phone. Willing it to light up with the promise of a text from her boyfriend. Something, anything to tell her he loved her. She blinked back tears. She was not crying, she wasn't!

Three days had turned into more than a week, and she was worrying. Especially with the little thing growing up bigger inside her. Did he miss her?

She missed him...

"Knock, knock," Thad said, opening the bedroom door. "You've been quiet, silly goose. Alright?"

"I'm alright," Finch said, trying not to sniff back her tears. She hated how snivelly she'd been lately. "Feeling tired. Need a nap."

"Sounds like a cry to me," Thad said, hoping on the bottom stair to the loft. "Oh, the boyfriend. Hasn't texted?"

She glared at him from her nest of quilts. "No. He's fine, though. He's just busy."

"Course, love," Thad said, taking another stair. "Being a criminal is hard work. Doesn't work on a schedule. The job's done when the job's done."

Finch had to stop herself from chucking the phone at him. She rolled away, curling in on her side. "I'm not stupid, I know what he does. It is what it is."

Thad climbed another stair, feeling like he was invading a forbidden zone.

"But you're twisted up sad now, poor thing," he said. "All those hormones and lover boy ain't come to chuck out your babysitter."

"My babysitter could chuck himself out," Finch sang hopefully, swatting at the dampness forming on the corners of her eyes. "He's fine. He loves me, and he's fine, and he'll be home soon."

"Aw, love," Thad said. He crawled the rest of the way into the loft to scoop Finch up. "You don't need him."

"I don't need anyone," Finch whined, not fighting him for once. "I want him. I want him so much."

"Shh, shh," Thad said, rocking her against his chest. "I know, love. He'll be home soon enough. It's alright."

"He's missing so much. I mean, nothing at all, but I- I want him. And he's not here," Finch sniffled, her head tucked under his chin. "I'm so sad all the time."

"And yet, you want to marry him," Thad tutted. "Heartbreak there. Imagine what he'll miss of your children."

"Stop it, stop it. Picking on him when he's not here to defend himself, during a moment of my weakness, makes me hate you," Finch tried to push herself away. "Get off me. Go away. Go find a new home."

Thad held her tight. "What would you have me say? Yes, of course, darling, he'll be home in no time. He's missing you as well, and his heart aches to come back home," he sighed. "He writes poetry in his mind to the love he holds in his heart for you and your unborn. Wake up, love, I'm not exactly going to cheer my biggest rival."

"It's not a competition. I don't like you," Finch snapped. "I can do this." Alone. 

Thad let her wrench away.

"Of course you can, but you don't have to," he said.

"It's what I should do. It's what you do for people you love," the girl replied. Her lip was a little chapped and starting to split, making her tear-stained puffy face all the more pathetic. "You make sacrifices. You- you put up with things for them."

"Like fiances and children and being back in a world I tried to escape?" Thad said softly as he wiped away a tear from Finch's face. "And tears that break my heart to see."

Finch nodded, blinking at him. "Yes. I guess just like those things."

Thad leaned in to kiss Finch's cheek.

"He'll text you as soon as he's safe. A man with the promises he has back home won't ever let himself die," he said.

"Do you-" Finch shook her head. "You don't think there could be someone else, do you? I mean, the baby- it was rather sudden. What if, what if he doesn't like me anymore."

"Maybe then you'd learn to like me?" Thad offered. "But I sincerely doubt he's - "

Finch's phone bleeped. Her fingers reached for the phone, sliding to unlock the screen.

[On the layover to Paris. Unexpected issue. Sorry, my bird. Home soon - VM]

She gulped, sniffing. She texted back. [Understand. Come home. - FM]

[Love you - VM]

"See?" Thad said, curling in on himself.

[Love you- FM]

"See what? It's not like he'll be home long," Finch said, putting her phone on the shelf above her head.

"Did you not just say it was what you did for those you love?" Thad said, urging her back towards him. "You shouldn't cry over crime lords."

"You talk in riddles I don't even understand," Finch said, closing her eyes against her tears. "Who should I cry over? You?"

"You should not need to cry, beautiful girl," Thaddeus murmured. "You should smile.. always." He leaned in to kiss her cheeks, wiping the edges of her eyes as he cupped her face, tilting it back to kiss her tenderly.

"If you didn't cry, you'd never know what smiling is," Finch muttered when the kiss broke. "No one can be happy all the time."

"I try," Thaddeus whispered. "I try to find the happiness in the world. In the smile of a beautiful girl, flush with life. In the joy of your customers, in the furrow of your brow." He touched her forehead. "In the challenge of your lover."

She graced him with a tight smile, but she didn't pull away from his touches. Something, some part of her, felt starved for it in a way she hadn't before. "You're cunning. You'll say anything if you think it gets you what you want."

"Yes," Thaddeus agreed, stroking over her slightly soft stomach. "And I know my time with you, alone, is growing short." He leaned in to kiss the side of her neck. "You'll forget me the moment your true love is home."

"That's true," Finch replied, blushing. She nudged her mouth closer to his, begging to be kissed. "You'll be just a distant memory, living on a sofa. Unless you manage your own place, but, frankly, on your salary it will never happen."

Thaddeus nudged their noses together, ghosting over Finch's lips. He brushed her silky soft lips with his own, tilting his head to press them together. He drew his teeth across her bottom lip, licking over it. "Or you could let me stay," he offered.

"But I won't," Finch said, eyes slipping closed. Letting herself be spoiled. Her hand drifted over his chest, feeling the firmness of it. Remembering the painted skin that lay beneath cotton threads. "It's just as well. You'll fall for someone else eventually."

"Possibly," Unlikely. "So let us ride the clock," Thaddeus purred, pressing her back. He kissed her again, more heated. "And soothe your lonely heart."

"It- It's not right," Finch said, shaking her head. "I can't- I shouldn't be doing this- It's not- not what people do." Except it was what people did. People like her mother, or bad people on telly programs about cheating spouses.

"People kiss," Thad offered, stroking her stomach as he moved from over her to beside her. He made his point by doing so. "You like me a little."

"Not very much." She touched his hair, letting the long dark strands slide over her fingers like silk. "Maybe not at all." Yet, she kissed him again.

Thaddeus let out a deep moan in his throat, holding the back of Finch's head - the tentative connection driving him mad with want. The anticipation was sweet, the realization sweeter. "Finch," he growled, holding back the torrent of lust that had whipped up in him. "Again. Kiss me."

Her lips touched his slowly, the movement almost afraid. She hadn't been kissed very much, and only by one person. Her inexperience scared her. "Th-Thad."

"Mm, yes," Thaddeus coaxed. "Your lips, so sweet, pretty bird." He stroked her hair, down her side to pull her closer to him. He didn't want to frighten her, or push her past the comfort. This was meant to comfort her, of course.

"I told you not to call me that," Finch mumbled into another kiss, her hands on his face, pulling him closer gently.

"Yes, love, yes, beautiful, yes, my treasure," Thaddeus said through their kisses. His face felt warm, and his heart pounding. Her gentleness was so different than any other girl he'd bedded. He toyed with the hem of her shirt, sliding his fingers up and under. She gasped, her mouth open so close to his, noses brushing.

Thaddeus leaned in to steal her lips, pulling her taut against him when-

"Finch?" a voice called out.

"Oh no," Finch said, her face crumpling. She turned an unhealthy color red.

"Finch," Thaddeus whispered. He touched her face. "Finch?"

"I'm awful," she whispered, bringing a hand to her chest. Her heart felt like lead.

"Are you-? What the hell are you doing in here?" Vance said, opening the door to the bedroom.

Thad gritted his teeth, closing his eyes in a pained way as he pulled himself out of the loft. "She's not looking well, lover-boy. Color's off," he said, voice huskier than it ought to have been.

Her sobbing was interrupted by her choked coughs, chest wracked with pain. She was not her mother, she was not her mother, she wasn't. Except that maybe she was. Vance rushed forward, shoving Thaddeus out of the way.

"Finch? Finch," he said, hauling himself up into the opening. "Come here, love, c'mere bird." he said. She was coiled tightly. He pulled at her. "Finch. You! Get out," Vance said over his shoulder.

"I- I'm-" her words broken up with gasps, eyes looking too large in her ruddy face. "Awful."

"Shh," Vance said. "No you aren't, bird. Not one bi'. C'mere, c'mere." Vance hushed. He touched her face, feeling the heat. "You're too warm."

"You-You were," gaspchokegagPAIN, "in P-Paris."

"Meant to surprise you," Vance murmured. "Because I'd been gone so long. Finch, breathe, bird."

She shook her head, tears sliding over her cheeks. "Can't. Hurts."

"Do y'-"

"I've called the number for the car," Thaddeus said, voice blank now. "And alerted her doctors."

"Right," Vance said. "I guess we should get you down, can you hold onto me?"

She cried on his shoulder, the pain becoming a tightness, like something heavy was sitting on her, forcing her bones into her heart and lungs, her arms loosely wrapped around him. Her hands that had so tenderly touched Thad's shirt were barely able to grasp Vance's.

Vance carried her down as Thaddeus couldn't look at them.

The car arrived and Vance carried Finch out, coming back for a few of her things - a packed bag, always on hand now.

"Are you coming?" Vance demanded.

"No, it's best not," Thaddeus said, shaking his head.

Vance slammed into his shoulder as he passed, muttering bastard under his breath.

***

Finch's color had finally regained something normal to it. Vance sat by her bedside, stroking her hand. He gave it the occasional kiss. He'd fussed at the nurses, complaining it was too cold in her room. Her hands felt like ice. The night passed with her lightly sedated.

"Finch?" he asked, when he saw her eyes moving beneath her lids.

"You're going to leave me," Finch whimpered, crying without opening her eyes. The pain had lessened, but the echo of the episode lingered.

"Don't be ridiculous, I've only just gotten back," Vance said, scooting closer. "I'm sorry it was longer than expected. Turkish prisons aren't what- well, you've enough to worry about."

Finch opened her eyes, the regret and worry etched into every bit of them. "I k-kissed him."

"Who?" Vance asked softly.

"Thad." Her face crumpled in on itself again, lips pulling down, nose wrinkling up. Pained.

Vance laughed. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he swore. "I already knew tha'. Your brother texted me." He rifled through his pocket for a moment. "The man's a cad."

"You're not angry?" Finch asked, swallowing.

"We've had this talk, bird," Vance said, shaking his head. He took her hand up again. This time, sliding something over her finger. "I'm not going anywhere, no how. I'm sorry I was late, but well, it took more time than I anticipated."

"Are you-" Finch's chest heaved with a little gasp, lips parting. "Are you proposing while I'm in hospital just after I've told you I was cheating on you?"

The monitor behind them bleeped.

"Calm down," Vance said, squeezing her hand. "You've got my little wee one in there. Of course I'm proposing. Unless, you- unless this was the breaking up talk. Was it?" He tilted his head, to look at her with his good eye.

"No!" Finch half-shouted, trying to push herself up. "No, no, don't- I don't want to-"

Vance stood, pressing her back against the bed. "Shh! Hospital. Meant to be quiet places, like libraries. At least look at the thing, would you?" he said, nodding to her hand.

Finch glanced down, pale where she'd once been red in the face.

"Well?" Vance asked, nervous. "I got some help from your Mum, admitted, and the maker was slow as Christmas, but I finally got it in hand, then hopped the next plane home. What d'you say, yeah?"

"Yes," Finch whispered, tongue peeking out to dab at the corner of her mouth. Her eyelids fluttered. "Yes, please."

Vance gave a delighted gasp, leaning in to kiss her. "Brilliant," he sighed, cupping her cheek. "Brilliant. I'll take your name, of course."

"Really? Why?" Finch asked, giddiness starting to bubble inside her.

"Because I already have, haven't I?" Vance laughed.

"I s'pose so," Finch replied, leaning back on the pillows. A married woman. She had no idea how to feel about that. "When can we go home? I want to go home."

"Soon, I imagine," Vance replied. "Since you've stopped trying to guilt yourself into a heart-attack. Alright now?"

"I hope so." She rubbed her hand over her belly, feeling the little bump that promised her more than a ring. "I'm hungry."

Vance's face split into a smile. "I'll call up your cousin for food," he said. "Another little bird told me he's the key to your stomach."

"We should really take Spencer's phone away from him," Finch grumbled, tugging the blankets up tighter. She took his hand in hers. "Missed you."

"I know, I missed you," Vance said, kissing her temple. He bit down on the questions of who was the better kisser and if was actually allowed to beat the shit out of the interloper, but for the moment, he basked in the warmth and love of his new fiancee. He pulled out his own phone to text Mary.

[she said yes! VM]

[Of course she did. She's not stupid. -MM]